My bicycle's a right-off, a twisted, battered wreck.
While I'm in bed in hospital with plaster to my neck.
I was leading in a road race, ahead by half a mile,
swooping down this hillside in truly classic style.
The crowd was out cheering, the road ahead was clear,
when suddenly before me a man and pig appear.
I missed the man by inches but hit the pig full square,
the bike got left behind me as I whistled through the air.
I'm told I wrecked the finish, destroyed the town brass band.
I hit the Mayor and party, and finished in the stand
The television loved it, they had it live on air.
They charged me in " in absentis " for riding with out care.
The pig just got a caution, for stepping out of line.
Whilst I, in bed in plaster, got a truly whopping fine.